An explanation for Traveller and Friend

My last poem, Traveller and Friend, I’ve gotten responses ranging from, what the poem was actually about to thinking that I’ve fallen in “Love”. So in clarification to the poem

1. I am not in love. No need to be concerned in that area.

2. The poem was to express my fears and concerns about the next step in life that my family is about to take. It scares me, I mean it terrifies me.

Father Yah has shown my family to settle, I won’t put in the details of that “settle”, at least not in this post. Because its almost irrelevant, its just the word “Settle” that strikes fear and hope into my heart. Weird huh?

10 years ago we sold our house, but it wasn’t until 8 years ago that we really started travelling. So for almost 1/2 my life Travelling, or at least not having any roots has been my life. And its all I know. For almost 8 years we’ve been praying for a place of our own. Over the past couple of years that prayer has increased.

It was always a distant dream that we could dream, but were forbidden to touch. At least for those years. It was a dream that gave us hope to keep going when times were tough and we wanted to give up. It was His promise to us, and one that we prayed about almost everyday and probably several times a day during the hard times.

Not many people understood, we were constantly being ridiculed and put down in different ways, because of our life style. By people who were established, and you can guess their argument was, a major part of it was because my Dad didn’t work. Well there were two reasons for that: A. we traveled there was no place for my Dad to do wood pattern making,   B. He worked full time in the ministry, he had no time to do pattern making even if it was possible.

But they weren’t the only ones to put us down. The couple that we traveled with and those really close to them, were always putting down people who had a house and didn’t live like they did, like they were wimps or something. So they could not understand our dream, nor would they help in that way.

And that’s a sore spot for me. I hate being nailed as soft. So when that was implied through out my life I went to lengths to show that I wasn’t. And its been a constant sore spot since. For me to put roots down which I have always been told (Not by my parents) is a show of softness. Even though that it has been my prayer, and dream I’ve always been afraid of it in a way that if I do get roots I’ll become soft.

I understand that this is an unfounded fear, and a silly one at that.

That’s not the only reason, just one of the major ones, another one is I don’t know how to live a life like this and its going to take awhile. With all the paper work and everything, my brother almost having emotional breakdowns everyday, the stress of finding a place to live and all these options but having no options at all, I’m starting to wonder if this is really worth it.

And with Dad saying that YHWH’s saying that settling is only for a time. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the risk that He’ll take it all away once we get somewhere in all of this?

I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t take this, I realize that. And who knows what Father has planned and for how long.

But the bottom line is: Is It Really Worth It?

Exciting News! (with a bit of sad on the side)

We are now in Jerusalem, we were in Samaria for a few days visiting friends that were working in the vineyards, with the Waller group/Ya’hovel (if I spelled that right). We also got to help out in the vineyard. Its fun but not my line of work, I also got a nasty sunburn. Its blistering right now, right on the back of my neck. Oh so, very painful!

But it was worth it… I think, but I should have stayed out of the sun yesterday! It just made it worse.

Oh and some unfortunate news, my family’s mp3 officially died today, at least its unfortunate for me, actually its sad. I’m pretty sure my parents will be glad to see me with out the ear buds on.

It’s been my way of zoning out for the last 7 months. I’ve always found it easier that way, listening to praise music, I just feel so in tuned with Him. But maybe He’s teaching me not to rely on that music and learn to praise Him with the tin flute. I won’t say with singing because it is no pleasant sound, when I do it, and besides I can’t sing while playing the tin flute, so no loss there! But the words are important I think, the music is nice but isn’t it the words, that count?

I find it hard to practice because I don’t sound good at all, and we are in a hotel so that doesn’t sound fair to the other guests. Too all the music is on my dads laptop so to get to it isn’t really an easy thing to do. I really should get going on it. I did use it for a time earlier this year but people got tired of hearing the same song over and over, because I couldn’t totally remember the other songs I was learning or they got annoying too, so I stopped. I still bring it out every once and a while but I only play the songs up to 3 times before I put it away and I don’t attempt to learn anything new because, it sounds awful when I learn new ones. So to save peoples nerves and ears I leave it alone.

I’m not upset with anyone, and if I am it would be with myself, because I don’t have the self-esteem to pull it out and believe that I can get that tube of tin to sound nice! Its in note C and most music is made for D so its harder. But He has a reason for it, and I need to learn how to play it, because I know once I learn how its going to be a blessing to me. I just need to find that courage to pull it out and risk being told to stop playing.

On a better note I got a new !!!camera!!! Dad and Mom got it for me! Yahuweh knows that I’ve been praying for one, for a long time. It’s a Sony Cybershot, with 20 optical zoom and 18.2 megapixels! It’s a compact, and has more features on it than I will ever use! On a regular basis I mean. Of course I’ll use them all one day even if it is just once. It’s AWESOME! It takes twice as good pictures as my old one!

I can’t wait to get out and use it, it even has a gourmet food setting, so I can take better pictures of food. But when do I do that? Like I said so many features, I’ve even got one of those flexible tripods! I’ve always liked them.

Its like a dream come true! It still hasn’t really hit me that I’ve actually got a new camera. I still can’t believe that its mine, that its here, and that a dream is actually coming true!

I’ve been looking at getting into photojournalism, so this will be a big step in my process of getting there.

I heard something interesting while in Samaria:

“Many times we see possibilities,

Good possibilities, but will not go for them,

Because they are not perfect,

So we dismiss these good possibilities, because they are not perfect, and end up not doing anything.

Wouldn’t it be better to tryout these possibilities and of they aren’t right, trust Father will close the door. Instead of missing out on everything, by waiting for something perfect to plop into our lap.”

Interesting perspective isn’t it. Those aren’t the exact words but as close as I can remember.

Anyway, I think that’s all for tonight. I should post another one latter on, maybe with a picture from my new camera! Ok I’m kinda giddy about the camera if you couldn’t tell.