An explanation for Traveller and Friend

My last poem, Traveller and Friend, I’ve gotten responses ranging from, what the poem was actually about to thinking that I’ve fallen in “Love”. So in clarification to the poem

1. I am not in love. No need to be concerned in that area.

2. The poem was to express my fears and concerns about the next step in life that my family is about to take. It scares me, I mean it terrifies me.

Father Yah has shown my family to settle, I won’t put in the details of that “settle”, at least not in this post. Because its almost irrelevant, its just the word “Settle” that strikes fear and hope into my heart. Weird huh?

10 years ago we sold our house, but it wasn’t until 8 years ago that we really started travelling. So for almost 1/2 my life Travelling, or at least not having any roots has been my life. And its all I know. For almost 8 years we’ve been praying for a place of our own. Over the past couple of years that prayer has increased.

It was always a distant dream that we could dream, but were forbidden to touch. At least for those years. It was a dream that gave us hope to keep going when times were tough and we wanted to give up. It was His promise to us, and one that we prayed about almost everyday and probably several times a day during the hard times.

Not many people understood, we were constantly being ridiculed and put down in different ways, because of our life style. By people who were established, and you can guess their argument was, a major part of it was because my Dad didn’t work. Well there were two reasons for that: A. we traveled there was no place for my Dad to do wood pattern making,   B. He worked full time in the ministry, he had no time to do pattern making even if it was possible.

But they weren’t the only ones to put us down. The couple that we traveled with and those really close to them, were always putting down people who had a house and didn’t live like they did, like they were wimps or something. So they could not understand our dream, nor would they help in that way.

And that’s a sore spot for me. I hate being nailed as soft. So when that was implied through out my life I went to lengths to show that I wasn’t. And its been a constant sore spot since. For me to put roots down which I have always been told (Not by my parents) is a show of softness. Even though that it has been my prayer, and dream I’ve always been afraid of it in a way that if I do get roots I’ll become soft.

I understand that this is an unfounded fear, and a silly one at that.

That’s not the only reason, just one of the major ones, another one is I don’t know how to live a life like this and its going to take awhile. With all the paper work and everything, my brother almost having emotional breakdowns everyday, the stress of finding a place to live and all these options but having no options at all, I’m starting to wonder if this is really worth it.

And with Dad saying that YHWH’s saying that settling is only for a time. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the risk that He’ll take it all away once we get somewhere in all of this?

I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t take this, I realize that. And who knows what Father has planned and for how long.

But the bottom line is: Is It Really Worth It?

The Traveller and Friends

Afula and Tiberias 005 signed

Right now I am facing a hard trial. Except it isn’t a trial, it’s a blessing, but one that makes me both want to jump up and down for joy, and bolt all at once! Most of you would think that I would not hesitate for this chance but I am, strange is it not? Then again you do not know what this blessing is. So let me write a poem to explain such a blessing:

Traveller:

I have prayed a prayer

I have sought Your face on this matter

I have petitioned day and night

While at the same time been afraid that You

Will or Would not hear

I don’t know which I would be afraid of more

Until one evening the Most High answered

and said:

“This prayer has been granted for your sake”

What am I to do

Such a prayer I have prayed for years

I do not know what to do

with such an answered prayer

 

Friends of Traveller:

Such an opportunity

Such a blessing

We have prayed the same prayer

since you were young

We thank the Father for such a blessing

 

Traveller:

A blessing it is

An answered prayer it may be

But I am terrified to take it

Yet I am terrified not to

 

Friends of Traveller:

But you must

For this has been an ongoing prayer

that has finally been answered

And to be terrified of such a thing

Is preposterous

For there is more security in this life

Than in the one you are living

 

Traveller:

While what you say is true

there is one thing that is not

In the way I live there is a security

For that is the only way of life I know

For in taking this blessing

What if He takes it away

I do not want to go through that

That is what I fear most of all

That He shall take it away

Once I am settled in this blessing

 

Friend of Traveller:

There is naught to fear

For it is all a blessing

You shall now be like us

And have a life

that you have missed

until now

 

Traveller:

I shall take this blessing

But it is not with out fear

For what I fear may come to pass yet

It is not that I fear it in the long run

But that I fear

That once He sees me as established

He shall take it all away once again

I fear that He will be angry with me

I fear I will become unworthy

I fear all this and more

 

Friends of Traveller:

But that is silly

He would not be displeased with you

For something He chose to give

For He knows that if told no

You would have stopped asking

He knows that you would not go against it

He wants to bless you with such a thing

Just keep Him in the center of it all

You can’t go wrong there

For if He tells you time to go

You shall

For that is your nature

And that is why He has trusted you

With such a gift.

 

Traveller:

I see that you are right

I will go forth in this

I will pass this fear

And I shall keep Him in the center

For life would be bleak and empty with out Him

Hearts: Can you trust them?

Queensland 121

Can I trust my heart?

This is a valid question, and one many including myself have asked. You’ve heard and possibly even said, “ follow your heart” “listen to your heart” or “ what’s your heart telling you”. You may have said or heard the exact opposite, “ Don’t listen to your heart, it can be deceitful” “ you can’t make proper decisions with your heart because it isn’t logical” and other things.

Lets look at this scripturally first, then we’ll look at it in our own lives.

(Psa 10:17)  יהוה, You have heard the desire of the lowly ones; You prepare their heart; You incline Your ear,

(Psa 37:4)  And delight yourself in יהוה, And let Him give you the desires of your heart.

(Psa 84:5)  Blessed is the man whose strength is in You; Your ways are in their hearts.

(Pro 3:5)  Trust in יהוה with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

(Pro 16:9)  A man’s heart plans his way, But יהוה establishes his steps.

Each of these verses have something to say about the heart. They tell us that our heart gives us ideas and can in fact be right about some things, but we need to give it over to Father so that He can guide us.

Now lets look at the verses say the almost opposite of the ones above.

Pro 28:26  He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely is delivered.

Mat 15:18  “But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and these defile the man.
Mat 15:19  “For out of the heart come forth wicked reasonings, murders, adulteries, whorings, thefts, false witnessings, slanders.

Mar_7:21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,

Then we have it saying that its foolish to trust your heart, but if you walk wisely you are saved. The beginning of wisdom is the fear of YHWH, that’s somewhere in Proverbs.

Matthew gives us good reason not to trust the heart, for it is filled with vile things.

Still yet:

(Psa_119:11)  I have treasured up Your word in my heart, That I might not sin against You.

If He and His word is in us we don’t need to fear what is in our heart, for He has said that He will write his commands upon our hearts. We will still need to be cautious and continuously check it for what is not good but, for the most part all we want to do is follow Him. And so that is what our heart will want too.

We can’t always trust our heart but, we would also be foolish to shove it to the side and not check and see what’s inside. To discern what is right in there and to cast out what is not. Because the more we check ourselves and what is in our heart, and replace the bad with the good, the less wickedness will dwell there. We will also be able to catch it faster, for we will have a better sense of right and wrong.

But, we need to be careful, because there are times when we are afraid to see what’s in there. We don’t want to see it, for two possible different reasons.

One: Afraid that it won’t be right.

Two: Afraid that it is.

Both these aren’t reasons to be scared, because if it isn’t right then you can replace it with something that is, and if it is right well that’s another time to count when your heart was right. Can you see where I’m going here?

You can’t trust your heart 100% but, you shouldn’t ignore it either. Because Father puts it in our hearts first then confirms it. We always need to inspect our hearts and make sure they are right with Him, then if they are clean we have no reason to be afraid of what’s in there.

I guess that is the conclusion. Search your own heart, is Father trying to show you some thing though it?

Surviving-the-enduring-race

Joyful Thoughts

Afula and Jerusalem 174 signed

Just as we thought

On this day

Yahushua is waiting for us to

Finally call on Him

Up there He hears us and

Listens to us even if we don’t make any sense

Tough though it may be to believe that

He listens when even

Our family and friends think of

Us as nuts and questions our sanity

Goodness coming from their

Heart they try to understand but

Try as they might no one can understand as our

Savior can.

———————-

quick news update

Yesterday a bomb exploded on a bus in Tel-Aviv, 10 people were injured.

Israel and Hamas declared a cease fire last night after 8 days of fighting.

Goodbye

Afula 047 signed

Here today gone tomorrow

Life is but a moment

Living but a memory

 

Bringing joy where ever you go

Leaving behind a lasting glow

 

We will miss you

But, we know that its time

For you to go home

 

We will see you one day

Free of sorrow

Free of pain

 

How hard it is

To let you go

But, we know

You will be safe

In the arms of our Creator

 

No longer is that ever ready smile

Made to brighten a persons day here

Only a lasting glow

Of memories treasured

In our hearts

           Forever

Afula 038 signed

This morning my family got some very sad news. We are all still trying to process it right now.

As I wrote in a past blog post that we went down to Samaria, to see some friends who were with the Waller group picking grapes. We hadn’t seen them in around 2 years, and the wife of the family was dealing with breast cancer.

We’ve known their family since I was around 11 or 12. Their son and daughter were good friends to my brother and I, their whole family was like a second family to us. The wife was a second mom to me, and her 4 children like extended siblings, her husband was like an uncle.

So when we went down we knew it might be the last time we saw her. Little did we know how true that was. We got an email this morning saying that she died yesterday.

It hasn’t totally hit us yet, I‘m still coming to terms that she’s actually gone. She was always a strong woman. Always so happy and willing to look at the bright side. I’m glad she is in no more pain now. But, its still hard, I know its harder for her family.

I can’t believe she’s gone!

Father Yah: I pray that you would help us all as we grieve her death, and that you would be especially with her family.

Faith, living it.

Afula 048 signed

Last night I went outside to sit on the swing, and I thought to myself/said to Father Yah, You have taught me faith. You have taught me how to rely on You. Yes, we must all rely on You for our daily necessities. But, some have had to rely on You more than others. I remember times in the past and still to this day, when I’ve had to trust in You for even my next meal, a place to sleep, and clothes.

Every time I look at my clothes I am always reminded how blessed I am even just to have the little that I do. Each item has a story behind it, a blessing, a small miracle. Its never the same with each article of clothing.

It’s the same with a place to sleep. Each night I lay my head down I’m always in awe of how well He cares for us. Never once have I had to sleep on the streets, He’s always provided a place. Though if that’s what it came to, to do His work, I would do it.

Even with food, I’m always thankful for everything that I eat, living this lifestyle has taught me what its like not to have enough to eat. I can’t get it out of my mind, even though while we lived with my Dad’s family for a while and there was always more than enough. It always stuck that every mouth full is a blessing. More than many people can understand.

I don’t think I will ever forget those times when we didn’t have enough food. Its happened more than once, and longer than just a few days.

He’s taught me truly to trust Him, like the birds of the field, but, my clothes are not like the lily of the valley. In fact they don’t even come close to comparing to the grass flowers. Not that I’m complaining. I would be satisfied with a pair of Levi jeans, a knee length skirt, a tee shirt, and a pair of work/hiking boots. That’s me, I don’t need fancy things. I’m “plain Jane”, He made me this way for a purpose, and that’s the way I am.

Its just who I am. I also reminded myself last night. He’s dreamed a dream for me, and He knows me better than I know myself. So His dream for me is better than one I could ever dream up. Because He knows exactly what I was made for.

Would I sound crazy if I said I love the nomadic lifestyle? Ok, not the tent part but, more living on wheels style. Living how we are right now, isn’t too bad when its 1 or 2 people but, when you get 6 its much, much harder, and almost impossible.

Life

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Life, what is that to you,

a job,

a car,

a life that has it all?

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What is life to you,

is it a house all big and pompous,

or is it your family

cherished all these years?

What does life mean to you,

a job big and famous,

everything you ever wanted,

or your savior?

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What is life to you,

can you step away from it all,

are you willing to take up your stake

and follow Him to the end?

What is life to you,

a job

or Messiah,

a house,

or your family?

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What is Life?