Because He’s my Father

Queensland, Cotton Tree Beach 017 brighten and contrast and signed.xcf

Father I’ve prayed

Father I’ve begged

Father I’ve asked

Father I’ve sought You

Father I’ve put it in Your hands

 

I can’t hang onto it

I can’t carry it

I can’t see what’s coming

So I’ve put it in Your hands

 

Three times, Four times, FORTY times

Father I’ve lost count

of every time I turn to You

And put it in your hands

 

People ask me why

Why I pray

Why I seek You

Why I ask You

Why I beg You

Why I put it in Your hands

 

I can only say

Because He saved me

Because He knows what’s ahead

Because He has the power to give or take away

Because it takes the weight off my shoulders

and makes me feel lighter than air

Because for the most important reason of all

He’s my Father

An explanation for Traveller and Friend

My last poem, Traveller and Friend, I’ve gotten responses ranging from, what the poem was actually about to thinking that I’ve fallen in “Love”. So in clarification to the poem

1. I am not in love. No need to be concerned in that area.

2. The poem was to express my fears and concerns about the next step in life that my family is about to take. It scares me, I mean it terrifies me.

Father Yah has shown my family to settle, I won’t put in the details of that “settle”, at least not in this post. Because its almost irrelevant, its just the word “Settle” that strikes fear and hope into my heart. Weird huh?

10 years ago we sold our house, but it wasn’t until 8 years ago that we really started travelling. So for almost 1/2 my life Travelling, or at least not having any roots has been my life. And its all I know. For almost 8 years we’ve been praying for a place of our own. Over the past couple of years that prayer has increased.

It was always a distant dream that we could dream, but were forbidden to touch. At least for those years. It was a dream that gave us hope to keep going when times were tough and we wanted to give up. It was His promise to us, and one that we prayed about almost everyday and probably several times a day during the hard times.

Not many people understood, we were constantly being ridiculed and put down in different ways, because of our life style. By people who were established, and you can guess their argument was, a major part of it was because my Dad didn’t work. Well there were two reasons for that: A. we traveled there was no place for my Dad to do wood pattern making,   B. He worked full time in the ministry, he had no time to do pattern making even if it was possible.

But they weren’t the only ones to put us down. The couple that we traveled with and those really close to them, were always putting down people who had a house and didn’t live like they did, like they were wimps or something. So they could not understand our dream, nor would they help in that way.

And that’s a sore spot for me. I hate being nailed as soft. So when that was implied through out my life I went to lengths to show that I wasn’t. And its been a constant sore spot since. For me to put roots down which I have always been told (Not by my parents) is a show of softness. Even though that it has been my prayer, and dream I’ve always been afraid of it in a way that if I do get roots I’ll become soft.

I understand that this is an unfounded fear, and a silly one at that.

That’s not the only reason, just one of the major ones, another one is I don’t know how to live a life like this and its going to take awhile. With all the paper work and everything, my brother almost having emotional breakdowns everyday, the stress of finding a place to live and all these options but having no options at all, I’m starting to wonder if this is really worth it.

And with Dad saying that YHWH’s saying that settling is only for a time. Is it really worth it? Is it really worth the risk that He’ll take it all away once we get somewhere in all of this?

I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t take this, I realize that. And who knows what Father has planned and for how long.

But the bottom line is: Is It Really Worth It?

The Traveller and Friends

Afula and Tiberias 005 signed

Right now I am facing a hard trial. Except it isn’t a trial, it’s a blessing, but one that makes me both want to jump up and down for joy, and bolt all at once! Most of you would think that I would not hesitate for this chance but I am, strange is it not? Then again you do not know what this blessing is. So let me write a poem to explain such a blessing:

Traveller:

I have prayed a prayer

I have sought Your face on this matter

I have petitioned day and night

While at the same time been afraid that You

Will or Would not hear

I don’t know which I would be afraid of more

Until one evening the Most High answered

and said:

“This prayer has been granted for your sake”

What am I to do

Such a prayer I have prayed for years

I do not know what to do

with such an answered prayer

 

Friends of Traveller:

Such an opportunity

Such a blessing

We have prayed the same prayer

since you were young

We thank the Father for such a blessing

 

Traveller:

A blessing it is

An answered prayer it may be

But I am terrified to take it

Yet I am terrified not to

 

Friends of Traveller:

But you must

For this has been an ongoing prayer

that has finally been answered

And to be terrified of such a thing

Is preposterous

For there is more security in this life

Than in the one you are living

 

Traveller:

While what you say is true

there is one thing that is not

In the way I live there is a security

For that is the only way of life I know

For in taking this blessing

What if He takes it away

I do not want to go through that

That is what I fear most of all

That He shall take it away

Once I am settled in this blessing

 

Friend of Traveller:

There is naught to fear

For it is all a blessing

You shall now be like us

And have a life

that you have missed

until now

 

Traveller:

I shall take this blessing

But it is not with out fear

For what I fear may come to pass yet

It is not that I fear it in the long run

But that I fear

That once He sees me as established

He shall take it all away once again

I fear that He will be angry with me

I fear I will become unworthy

I fear all this and more

 

Friends of Traveller:

But that is silly

He would not be displeased with you

For something He chose to give

For He knows that if told no

You would have stopped asking

He knows that you would not go against it

He wants to bless you with such a thing

Just keep Him in the center of it all

You can’t go wrong there

For if He tells you time to go

You shall

For that is your nature

And that is why He has trusted you

With such a gift.

 

Traveller:

I see that you are right

I will go forth in this

I will pass this fear

And I shall keep Him in the center

For life would be bleak and empty with out Him

Goodbye

Afula 047 signed

Here today gone tomorrow

Life is but a moment

Living but a memory

 

Bringing joy where ever you go

Leaving behind a lasting glow

 

We will miss you

But, we know that its time

For you to go home

 

We will see you one day

Free of sorrow

Free of pain

 

How hard it is

To let you go

But, we know

You will be safe

In the arms of our Creator

 

No longer is that ever ready smile

Made to brighten a persons day here

Only a lasting glow

Of memories treasured

In our hearts

           Forever

Afula 038 signed

This morning my family got some very sad news. We are all still trying to process it right now.

As I wrote in a past blog post that we went down to Samaria, to see some friends who were with the Waller group picking grapes. We hadn’t seen them in around 2 years, and the wife of the family was dealing with breast cancer.

We’ve known their family since I was around 11 or 12. Their son and daughter were good friends to my brother and I, their whole family was like a second family to us. The wife was a second mom to me, and her 4 children like extended siblings, her husband was like an uncle.

So when we went down we knew it might be the last time we saw her. Little did we know how true that was. We got an email this morning saying that she died yesterday.

It hasn’t totally hit us yet, I‘m still coming to terms that she’s actually gone. She was always a strong woman. Always so happy and willing to look at the bright side. I’m glad she is in no more pain now. But, its still hard, I know its harder for her family.

I can’t believe she’s gone!

Father Yah: I pray that you would help us all as we grieve her death, and that you would be especially with her family.