Early Morning Meditations

I listened to this this morning. Fathers been waking me up earlier and earlier in the morning because He knows that’s about the only way to get me to sit and listen. So here I am writing this at 4:40 in the morning, and I’ve been awake since around 3:30. I complained of course but He knows it’s the only way to get me to listen. So its for a good cause.

But anyway, this song just touched me this morning, it just put a bit of a different perspective on Jeremiah 1:5. Not only that but, last night I was reading a book about kids who have a bad home life. They try to have a normal school life but, their home life is in shambles. They go through it alone because they are embarrassed about it, and think that their friends won’t be their friend anymore because of it.

This song just impacted me that He cares about each of them and says blessed are you. I keep thinking about how much the world would be different if someone reached out to these kids now. How much more different their life would be.

He’s always there, and He may not make things better. But, He makes them easier to bear, because now we don’t have to bear them ourselves. And you are now able to help others, because of your own experience.

He dreamed a dream in each of us. Who but You would have done that. He saw us in our mothers womb and said this is my dream for you as My child. But, I give you free choice, you can choose that dream or throw it away. You will always be My child, I may be disappointed but, I will always welcome you back.

Those kids need to know that there is someone who cares about them and what happens to them. Who has a dream for them even if they can see no hope in the future.

So that’s what I’ve been meditating over this morning. If I had the chance I would take it to help these kids. They need the hope that Yahushua has to offer because most of the time their world is bland of hope. And that’s what drives them over the edge.

Have a good day, and think about it though. How many peoples lives can you help by just saying hello, and starting a conversation?


Why does He think I’m strong enough? Part 1

I was talking to my family the other day, about our 7 month backpacking trip, and how we’ve been living for the last just over 1 1/2 years.

And I thought to myself, “I wonder, why does He think I’m strong enough for this”?

I’ll be honest I don’t know. Sometimes I think that wouldn’t it be better if I wasn’t strong enough, and then He would go easier on me. But then again, I wouldn’t be me. I’ve got the mentality of what my mom calls a soldier, just because its hard, that’s all the more reason to try harder.

Let me explain something about those 7 months.


When we left North America, we were prepared for North American style of camping. We didn’t realize how much different it was. I knew from the moment that we landed, that -yes we were supposed to go on this trip (I knew before we left as well)-, it would be the hardest thing we’ve ever done.

That was proven as soon as we put our backpacks on and walked out the door:

1. they were so heavy that we couldn’t lift them ourselves, it took two people to pick one up and get it on the one persons back (for the big ones really).

2. we knew nothing about what we were doing.

3. everything was pretty much double to triple what we would pay in Canada.

We managed, but I still remember the first week, He was in it, yes. But, it was still very hard. We all remember that first week and it was horrible! But He was with us. By the time we got up to the Isles of Lewis, -He was still with us- we were worn out. We didn’t have anything left really. Then with the hardships we faced there, it took everything out of us. I started to die, inside, I know there were others in the family that were already dead, just living on the outside. I was dead by the time we arrived in Birmingham. I was no longer the light hearted, smiling laughing girl I once was. I had a frown on my face more often than a smile.

It just got worse and worse as time went on. No one smiled anymore and if they did it was only for a brief moment. I hated looking into the mirror and seeing my eyes, because all I saw, instead of the spark that was once there, I saw sorrow there, sorrow and emptiness. I saw that in all our eyes. There was no longer the spark of life that there once was in each of us. Even Erin was no longer the clown and cheerful girl she once was, and it took a lot to take her down.

Now, I know most of you will say, oh you’re just complaining. But, I’m being honest, that trip was a miracle, not only, Joseph making it was a miracle, but that all of us made it. Because if you looked at the facts and statistics the odds were against us.

I know Abba Father was with us on that journey, not just because of the small miracles, but because, if it wasn’t for Him sustaining us, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have made it.

I was alive but I had no will to live,

I had breath but no dreams,

I had life but nothing to live for.

That’s how it was for all of us. That’s why I say, it is His will that we be alive today. It was His will that we went on that journey, and that’s why we survived it.

My old dreams are gone, they’re gone with my old life. Some of the old dreams are still alive, but they aren’t the same as before. That seven month trip taught me something: life is precious, and to live is to put your life in His hands, because until you face something that puts everything in Him, your life, and those you hold dear, life never looks the same again.

Even now I know that anything can happen in my life. Even though I am only 16, I know that life is short, and that there are more than one way of dying. I’ve died a total of 2 ways.

The first way, I died to self, and accepted Yahushua in my life. (John 3:16)

The second happened on the trip, I died. Not physically of course but, everything inside me did.


So now that I’ve explained that to the best of my ability.

You can see why I wonder why I’m strong enough. I remember coaching myself for a whole 7 months saying “you’re ok, perfectly fine and have no excuse to stop or drop unless you literally drop cannot get back up or cannot get out of bed. But until you drop you keep marching”. Even though I could drop and not go any farther I pushed myself, and I wouldn’t let anyone else in my family drop either. I would not leave anyone behind.

I treated myself and others around me as soldiers. That is how I kept moving. But wouldn’t it be easier to be weaker than I am and then He might let me live in a house in one spot? No, it wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be true, I would be hiding and not taking up my stake for Him.

Do you remember reading in the history book or watching movies, about WW1 and WW2? How the soldiers even though they knew it would be tough and harsh, went anyway. Because that was the right thing to do, and if they didn’t go they would regret it. Many came back shell shocked, and with PTSD. I can compare that a bit with my life. To go is tough and harsh, with out the comforts of home. To stay would be something I would regret for the rest of my life.

We have not come out of this 1 1/2 year trip unscathed, no we all have our scars, our PTSD. Yes, I said PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Anyone can have PTSD. If you’re in a car accident and you’re afraid of cars or nervous to ride in one afterwards. That’s still PTSD, because you’ve been through a traumatic situation and PTSD is the after affect.

He sees me as strong enough to live this way, to go through the sorrows and hardships we must endure. I feel some how strangely blessed.

Imagine that, I feel blessed that He’s taken all worldly security from me, I have no house, no car, no place to call home and yet I feel strangely blessed. You must be thinking you’re crazy! you have almost nothing to call your own, yet you feel Blessed!?!? What are you NUTS!!!!!

Actually I may be insane! But He chose the fools to confound the wise (1 Cor 1:27). I wouldn’t substitute His choice of life for me for a mansion and the best that money can buy.

I said to my family one day. You know He’s putting us through a test like He did Job.

Job lost everything

He told us to give up everything

Job went through hardships, pain and suffering.

He’s put us through hardships, pain and suffering.

Job never forsake YHWH, but he did put himself as knowing more than Elohim.

During all of these hardships (that started way before we left North America) we have not forsaken Him, but, yes we fought with Him and cried out WHY!

Father corrected Job in his wrong. But, He also forgave him.

Father corrected us in where we were wrong, but, He has forgiven us.

Job’s trials were a test, to see if he would endure and continue to say that YHWH is righteous.

Fathers putting us through the fire, to see if we will come out still saying that He is righteous.

Job was given twice what was taken from him, and was considered righteous in YHWH eyes.

I have no idea what He has for us after the fire.

I actually don’t even know if this is the end of His test or this is just the beginning of the furnace. I don’t think I want to know the answer to that.

But if I do know something, He has a sense of humor, and sometimes I think its an inside  joke, because I don’t get what’s so funny. But if He doesn’t have a sense of humor how on earth would we have one.

Coming soon Part 2.

Set Free…..

DSCF8997 signed

Being held in bondage

Easier than being free

Interspection isn’t always fun

Nervous what you’ll find in there

Got too many things you don’t want others to see


Satan hates it

Everytime someone

Tips their head back and laughs in his face


Freedom comes with


Enemy hold us in fear

El brings us with loving commitment


For us it’s a choice

Right here right now

On and on we go

Morning and night


Anger can go on

Never letting go or we can say


El has taken my anger, I now ride on eagles wings

Right now I am in His arms and I’m not leaving

!He’s taken everything, I’m no longer weighed down


DSCF9009 signed, and sharpened


When all goes wrong

He still cares

You may not feel it


Forever He loves

Over the years we may forget

Regrets don’t faze Him

Given His life

I can’t imagine life with out Him

Victory that He’s given us

Everything I could dream of

No one can explain how it feels

Every time I give the weight that I carry to Him

Someone who loves me no matter what

Someone who loves you more than you know

?why can’t we just believe, that He came to save you and me


I know many Christians believe in the Rapture. There is one part in the Bible that says:

Mat 24:40  Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
Mat 24:41  Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left.

A lot of people say that these verses are talking about the rapture. But is this our Abba’s nature? To take us out of suffering? Christians, Messianic’s, and Jews have been suffering for centuries. He didn’t take them out of the world then, why would He do it now? Is Salvation a free ticket out of enduring the end times?

What about those left on the earth that are not saved? Would we not be ignoring the great commission? I know many say that the majority of Christians will be taken up and some Christians remain to do the rest of the work. That’s what the movie “Left Behind” indicates, that the majority are taken and the rest are left, but, isn’t that being selfish. Leaving someone else to suffer while you go and have the easiest time up there while your fellow brother dies?

This does not seem to be our Fathers nature. He let His own Son suffer for us, and now we say we want an easy ride out of everything. The people in China, Russia, and many other countries suffer persecution, die for their faith, are put in prison. Yet us in the west know nothing of it, and just want a free ride. Everything we could want: fame, money, a good name, reputation, and connections.

Did any of Fathers true disciples have a easy life? Even after Yahushua’s death. Look at Paul (Sha’ul) he died a very agonizing death, Peter was crucified upside down, John was put on an Island and most likely never made it off. Father did not “rapture” them out then. So why now? If we all leave who will show the Jews the Messiah, who will encourage their fellow brothers when times are hard. From way up there are we going to look down and say,”terrific job, keep it up, we will see you when all this is over” to our brothers and sisters. While we sit up there in His presence? I do not think that is fair, nor that is my Abba’s nature.

Look from beginning to end in the Bible about this. Think about this. Talk to Yahuweh about it. Find out from Him what He has in store for His people in this great time of trouble.